drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize