it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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