If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
