I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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