yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
