weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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