video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
