She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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