dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize