she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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