3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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