His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
