Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
