Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
