My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
