i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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