Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
