i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
