In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
