Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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