So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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