i will never coherently bang her
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
