she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
