i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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