So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize