There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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