took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
