The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
