I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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