yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
