mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
