This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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