After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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