It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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