I am spending my child support on dildos
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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