oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
