You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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