a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
