I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
