Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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