I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He shit in the fireplace
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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