I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
