I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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