I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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