I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize