oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
