i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
