You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
