So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
