she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
