Four minutes until I can fart!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My penis needs a shock collar
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
