Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
