biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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