just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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