i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
