Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
