she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
