Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
