I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
