Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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