I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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