ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
