Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I forget how to act sober
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