I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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