forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
