Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
