just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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