he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
