Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
