yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
