Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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