that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
