You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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