I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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