im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
