She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
