just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize